you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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