she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
