so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
