My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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