shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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