yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
