Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
