I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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