Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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