Betty ford says i'm here all night
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
nutella sex= disaster
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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