Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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