I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
