woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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