All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
