I wish I only lived at night.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
