Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
