upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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