Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
too bad you live with your parents still
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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