M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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