Farmville is her only friend.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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