I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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