I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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