dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
