On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
