dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
