Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
