I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
