The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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