I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
