Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
