Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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