I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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