Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
