I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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