yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
