so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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