Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
