dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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