she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
