is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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