Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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