I think im going to throw up on grandma
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am one with the molecules
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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