I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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