i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
