Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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