I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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