I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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