By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
