Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize