when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
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