so let's talk penis.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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