dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
i came on her dog
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
