When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
