Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Randomize
