They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I just found a bag of teeth...
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
