The best revenge is premature balding
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
