My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just got carded by a ten year old.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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