I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
