You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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