I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
