The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize