she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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