Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
