I haven't been this sober since birth.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
