That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
