How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
