So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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