Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
