Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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