I met the friendliest cop last night
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
