Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Found your dick twin last night
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
