Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
