I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i came on her dog
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
