Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
