i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
