i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
