So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
