For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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