My liver just broke up with me...
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
