My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
