My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
