Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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