bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I lost the right to judge tonight
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize