Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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