Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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