dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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