dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
