Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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