he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
