Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
