I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
