Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
