i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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