Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You dont lie about slip and slides
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
